Fears of Dating

Posted: November 18, 2011 in intimacy, love, reconnection, recovery, sex, sex after abuse
Tags: , ,

Honestly, the thought of dating is pretty terrifying to me right now. I kind of like being single. I like the freedom, and time to myself, and being able to explore who I am on my own, without my identity becoming entangled in another’s.

I’ve liked this time being celibate as well. Which is something I never thought I would say. But I’ve actually liked not having sex, or relying on sex to comfort me.

So what to do when you are faced with the opportunity to date?

I met someone on the bus today. A place where I had heard you could pick someone up, but never believed it could possibly be me — after all, when I bus, I am usually in my own world, make-up-less, day dreaming, and dressed down. Who do I have to impress, after all? Apparently something about that look was appealing.

I noticed the smile right away — unlike my exes tightlipped or crooked smiles, this guy smiled with teeth showing, full grin that you could see in the eyes too. Maybe that is why I said yes to a casual date tomorrow.

I talked to him tonight too.

And now something are going through my mind — the possibility of an implication of a future relationship. The possibility of an implication of sex.

I’m not sure I am ready for either, and I am thinking of how should I convey this in a way that lets me keep the upper hand.

Do guys want to know why your turning down sex? Hm, dumb question. But how do I word my position in a way that makes me seem invulnerable?

Do I just let the whole thing go?

Or is this a situation where I should face my fears?

  1. Debbie says:

    Is there a possibility that you can develop a friendship, a pure and simple friendship. Does dating and sex have to be part of the equation.

    I am pretty much clueless about these kind of things, but as trust and respect are built in a friendship, there comes opportunities to express your deepest desires and fears in a natural way.

    Putting all your cards on the table in the beginning (under the misconception of building safety and security) It’s almost like someone asking for a drink of water but getting blown away with a blast from a fire hydrant.

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