Beside Myself

Posted: December 16, 2011 in emotion, intimacy, reconnection, relationships, respect
Tags: , , , ,

I am beside you, and yet so far. I feel your breath, the strength of your body, I hear the soft words you speak to me.

And yet…

Sigh. I am saddened. I see this as a weakness I must eradicate from myself. I must somehow purge you. I cannot go back to the way things were, and yet I do not know if I can go forward and “forget”.

Part of me feels unwanted here, like you are simply resurrecting a memory of me, and it is loneliness that has you reaching out. The fact you won’t make a move on  me both gladdens me and frustrates me. I don’t seem to be a place yet where I can simply lie beside any man and feel adequate on my own if there is no sex going on.

I just want to be validated somehow. That I am not here for nothing. That I am not a complete and utter fool.

Is it so wrong to hope that if I can change so much over the last few months, that you have changed also?

No need to answer that– I know the answer.

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