I am struggling with new-found p*ssedoffness right now.

This morning, my brother, while eating breakfast, announces that he and his friends were assaulted saturday night outside a club by a bunch of bouncers, unprovoked. Apparently, the police came, and did nothing (jeez, what a shocker there!), and my bro ended up with a punch to the head (along with other injuries that his friends suffered). They went to the hospital, since his friend needed stitches on his head. But my brother did not seek medical attention, nor did they file a report (neither did the drs. ask if they wanted to file a report… another shocker!).

Of course, I am appalled at what happened to my brother. Of course, I hate seeing him hurt. I hate thinking about what might have happened. I love my bro, regardless of our personal difficulties.

My issue with this scenerio, lies with my parents, and their reaction to the situation.

They immediately sided with my brother, expressing their outrage over what happened to him (and his friends). After the initial freak-out, my mom then called the police to see what my brothers next step should be, offered to take him then and there to the station to file a report, and even looked up the number for the Better Business Bureau in order to file a complaint about the club.

All natural reactions for a parent finding out their child has been wronged.

Or so you would think.

Their reaction to my assault (read: rape), which occurred three days before my birthday (happy birthday to me :/), was a LOT different.

First there was the yelling at me, for waiting to tell them (which I knew would happen, and was why I waited until I absolutely needed a ride to the hospital). Then there was their look and expression of disappointment in me.

Then, when I decided to press charges, it was first their utter lack of support, and then, their actively discouraging it when it seemed like I would actually go through with it, even getting my aunt, the lawyer, to weigh in on the matter (she told them it would not be in my best interest). Of course, in the end, I did not press charges. And I wonder now, whether my decision would have been different had I gotten just a touch of support or word of comfort with my finally standing up for myself.

Then, to make things worse, during one of my mother’s “talks” to me, she laid all the blame on me. Not just for the recent assault, but for EVERYTHING I have been through. Laid it straight on my feet, losing her temper, and completely disregarding and invalidating my feelings and trauma (this is not the first time she has done so, but it was the most hurtful).

So ya, I’m pretty effing p*ssed at them. My mother, for reasons I gave above, and my dad for being utterly passive and siding with my mother. Heaven forbid he actually side with his daughter for once.

I just can’t wrap my mind around the contrast in behaviours and reactions. I “get” that a nonsexual assault from man to man is somehow “different” then raping a woman. Its somehow easier to accept, and thus be enraged about.

But seriously? My brother is fine. He may have had a mild concussion, but I doubt he will have any lasting traumatic emotions. I doubt it will keep him from clubbing again. I doubt it will prevent him from drinking again. I doubt he will look at clubs in horror, and actively avoid them. I doubt he will actively avoid men who look like bouncers. I doubt he will have flashbacks, and nightmares, and panic attacks over the whole situation. I doubt he will shudder in horror at the very mention of clubs, dancing, or bouncers. He appears to have shrugged off the situation, and now wants to make a complaint, and sue the bouncers. Perfectly normal reaction.

(I am not invalidating my brother’s experience, only saying that there is a difference our reactions and the long lasting effects. Of course, it could be that I am completely off base, but from what I know of my brother, I do not think I am wrong in my assessment)

I was molested in a club. Not raped, but “just” groped from behind while I was dancing between my legs and chest. I punched the guy, and he left me alone. But I still avoid clubs.

Not to mention any guy that looks, moves, or acts like any of my exes.

It just feels like a slap in the face. Aren’t parents supposed to side with their children?

Sigh.

 

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Comments
  1. I agree with you completely, your parents should have supported you. You are NOT at fault for what happened to you. I know because I’ve been there before. I’ve experienced sexual and physical abuse so please hear me – you did not deserve this nor are you to blame for this. You’re not alone, I understand your pain. I also know what it is like to have a mother who doesn’t support you.

    My heart cries out for you. I send you love and light.

    Blessings,
    Joan

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