I’ve had a few personal revelations in the last couple weeks…

I’ve realized that I have worth as a person, that I add value to life as a whole and to individuals whom I know, and that I am not an object.

Kinda obvious things one should know about themselves, but to actually FEEL it… is hard.

So I am now trying to find a happy medium with my person to see where I am comfortable being. So far it has led me to change my hair colour, reopen my septum piercing, and buy new makeup (I didn’t really have any anymore).

These are superficial changes, but, it’s good for me. I had dyed my hair blonde/red after being forced to have it black and straight all the time. I won’t straighten my hair either, I’ve discovered I like the curls I was born with. I’ve dyed my hair back to the dark red I’m most comfortable with, especially since I have the completely wrong colouring for blonde.

My septum I had pierced years ago. Actually, I’ve been pierced some 50x. Most are gone. My septum I got done cause it’s a warrior’s piercing. And the septum I took out cause my ex convinced me I looked like a crackwhore with all the metal in my body. And since half of that accusation was true, I went along with the removal.

Makeup: Also something that I had to maintain a certain level of. And something I stopped wearing cause the only person’s whose approval I crave is my own. Now that I’ve established some approval with myself, I think it’s safe to wear.

I’m still trying to find a happy medium with my interaction with others. I would love to be more social, but it’s hard when I am so silent. Especially since my silence is a totally misguided fuck you to the johns who paid for my company.

I’m feeling more.. whole. Overall. The fragmented parts of myself seem to be welding together. Slowly but surely.

Stay safe 🙂

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