Disclosed Desires

Posted: April 2, 2012 in abuse, brainwashing, intimacy, love, relationships
Tags: , , , ,

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/muse/undisclosed_desires.html

I’ve been listening to this song over and over after having gone through some of the photos/videos of me and J. The song is playing in the background while taping us doing… stuff.

The song always struck a cord for me. So after having gone through all the nostalgic bullshit, I actually looked for the song and lyrics (as linked above). It’s oddly profound for a more mainstream song.

It’s kinda how I want to be seen by someone. Deep down, buried underneath the bitterness and cynicism I’m a reluctant romantic.

Like the way I have a slight addiction to romance novels, but I’ll never admit it (and of course, stating it here doesn’t count. Really). Like the way I used to write erotica, but don’t anymore. How can *I* write about something I really have no clue about? I did it really well as a virgin. Which is weird. Whatever. I’m not even gonna try to analyze that.

I wonder about that sometimes. If a guy showed up at my door with something like flowers, how would I react?

I think I’d be really suspicious. Like, why the fuck is he doing this, and what does he expect in return, and what happens to me if I don’t meet expectations?

I think J did see me, for a time, as the song says. Rescuing me and keeping me for himself. Then reality hits. Fuck, I have a whore as a girlfriend.

I have no idea where I’m going with this post…

so.

bye.

(On the plus side, I think the titles to my blog posts are becoming much better)

 

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Comments
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